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Home is a House

So, back home for Thanksgiving break. I have to say it's really surreal to be home after three months. I had really become accustomed to my dorm being "home." But walking around the house now I'm just being reminded of living there, yet the thing is I know I won't be staying very long. All I know of this house is living in it, so to not be living in it is just strange.

There are a whole bunch of things about the house that are different. My sister has definitely become a fixture in the house. Things are more organized, her things are everywhere. It so strange. This house has never before had her in it for more than a month at a time, so to see her so settled in is just not right in my mind. She had already been moved out of the old house by the time we moved, so in this house I was, effectively, an only child - or something like that. But where she belongs, I almost feel I don't.

I think this might be because I did my crucial growing up without her there, so how we exist now - older, more mature women, instead of the little girls running around playing "My Little Pony" - just don't belong together in the same house. But this was my house. Up until three months ago.

I feel like I'm falling back into routine, but then there are things that remind me. Oh wait, my saddle and horse brushes are down in the basement, not at the barn like they would have been. Actually, I think that is the biggest clue that I'm not staying - even the fact that my room is essentially empty of my belongings. 

I've been realizing lately, while I've been going through some emotional exhaustion, how much being around horses helped my stress levels while going through high school. I'd go out to the barn in the next few days, to get a little of that healing energy, but I think I'm afraid that it will just make it hard for me going back to school.

Mmm. I suppose I knew I'd have to go through down times at some point. I was just hoping it wouldn't be so soon.

It's an update! Imagine that.

Well, yeah. So college has been going... well?

Grief that I thought was grief didn't end up being grief (funny how those things work out).

I'm not really in the mood for a real post so here's a meme I stole from marguerite_26

"Strike out those I've done" or What I've gotten up to in eighteen years...
  1. Had beer
  2. Smoked an entire cigarette
  3. Smoked a cigar
  4. Done drugs
  5. Written on a bathroom wall
  6. Read a George Orwell book
  7. Had a physical fight
  8. Used Twitter
  9. Listened to Lady Gaga
  10. Been in a car accident
  11. Gotten suspended
  12. Gotten expelled
  13. Been allergic to something
  14. Gotten a computer virus
  15. Touched a real gun
  16. Had a dog
  17. Had a cat
  18. Been pregnant
  19. Camped out
  20. Swam in the ocean
  21. Worn a bikini
  22. Driven a car
  23. Been sent to the principal
  24. Liked someone
  25. Failed a class
  26. Failed a test
  27. Went to summer school
  28. Got worse than a D
  29. Read an entire book
  30. Recorded my own music
  31. Had an Xbox
  32. Worn heels more than three days in a row
  33. Worn fishnets
  34. Worn skinny jeans
  35. Been in love
  36. Hated someone
  37. Been cheated on
  38. Cheated on someone
  39. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex
  40. Practiced Christianity
  41. Worn makeup
  42. Lied to my parents about where I was going
  43. Had surgery
  44. Had my license
  45. Been to college or university
  46. Graduated high school
  47. Attempted suicide
  48. Worn color contacts
  49. Painted my nails black
  50. Broken someone's heart
  51. Had my heart broken
  52. Cried for an hour straight
  53. Lost something very valuable
  54. Gotten separated from a parent as a kid
  55. Gotten stung by a bee
  56. Eaten something bad/expired
  57. Threw up from being so drunk
  58. Saw someone throw up from being so drunk
  59. Danced with someone of the opposite sex
  60. Owned an iPod
  61. Owned an iPhone
  62. Fell for a best friend
  63. Stole a friend's significant other
  64. Went far away from home for more than a week
  65. Moved out
  66. Ran away
  67. Teased my brother/sister
  68. Been to a hospital
  69. Had food poisoning
  70. Had a job
  71. Been fired
  72. Lied to a friend
  73. Lied to a family member
  74. Had a Facebook
  75. Posted a video on YouTube
  76. Started a rumor about someone
  77. Talked bad about someone
  78. Dropped out of school
  79. Deliberately failed a test
  80. Been skinny dipping
  81. Counted to a million
  82. Counted to a thousand
  83. Eaten rabbit
  84. Eaten duck
  85. Had fast food
  86. Been to church
  87. Been to Canada
  88. Been married
  89. Had a divorce
  90. Broken a glass
  91. Hugged someone today
  92. Texted someone today
  93. Received  a phone call today
  94. Threw something out the window
  95. Ignored a text from someone on purpose
  96. Had my feelings hurt by a friend and never told them
  97. Wished I was somebody else
  98. Gone on exchange
  99. Gotten drunk and made out with a friend

This is me not packing

With only three (this is debatable) before I shuffle off to school I realize that the only thing I've "packed" are some books that will be following me up north. My clothes are as they always are (in my closet/dresser/the floor) and not where they should be (various soft-sided bags perfect for stuffing in Father's X5 or Brother's car).

Other things that are not as they should be:

My bike after hours of fixing up is still not working properly. Well, the rear brakes are not working properly, everything else seems fine (a perpetual state of "Does that sound right? Oh well."). And I need new batteries for my lights. That too.

My textbooks remain unpurchased. I know what they are (and also regretting some class decisions now, but I shall suffer through them as I am wont to do, instead of altering my course list), and I know various places to get them (for cheap even! --well, the ones that are not actual textbooks but rather "required readings"). However, this calls for communication with my parents. And a severe lack of laziness (on my part)/ conflicting schedules (all parts). I would just order them, but there be address worries. I know which dorm residence hall I am living in, I suppose that would work for shipping address. Maybe. I'm probably just fretting about things that are actually very easy. It's just how I roll.

While thinking about packing, I realize there are things that I might be in need of, more underwear for one. Perhaps socks. 

Oh, here's and important one: NEW BANK ACCOUNT. 

Instead I'm fooling around on Doll Divine.


As I prepare for the next great stage in my life WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OF COURSE IT'S NOT COLLEGE I realize that I am down to a month and most of a week.

What is this? Yeah, I'm kind of at the point of screaming. It's so close but so far away, yanno? Parents have been suffering through pointless rants of pointlessness that go around in circles and are pretty much a rehashing of anything I've ever said and or worried about ever. These rants are the first rants I've shared with the parents so they don't get to complain (neener neener). RL friends are being oddly hard to get in touch with, I'm thinking they have a sixth sense or something, which doesn't add up because I don't get like this. I'M THE REASONABLE ONE. Usually. This is probably why I've come to LJ with this instead of lurking as is my MO...

But here's things that need to be done in this month+week before I shuffle off to higher education.
  • Store all my files for my new laptop. Sorry, Monster, I loved you while you worked, but I can't be shackled to my router via ethernet cable, it just doesn't work that way.
  • Meet my roommate I find out who my roommate will be sometime next week. Which leads to...
  • Re-learn how to interact with people I've never met before It's hard, I know
  • Figure out exactly what I'll be taking with me to school I'm not much of a things person, but I feel the pressure to decorate my nook of the dorm with intensely personal things like interests besides fandom. I'M NOT SURE IF STUFF LIKE THIS EXISTS D: 
  • There's more I just can't think of it.
  • Oh yeah. I don't think I'll ever get through all the stuff at ae_matchThere's so much being posted every time I f5 What kind of people are you, people-who-can-write? And don't lie, this is completely related to college
And I'm spent.

It's far too late for iced coffee

Well, I suppose I had the coffee a few hours ago, but that doesn't change the fact that I am awake and unable to sleep. And redundant. It's a wonderful feeling I'll have you all know.

You see, when I get tired the crazies come out. No not the ones that meander up and down my street at night picking the cans out of my recycling bins. More of the insanely unfocused ramblings. It's intensified when I have company. It's then that my introvertedness goes away and I become this giggly, emotional mess. And really honest -- boy does that get awkward D:

I really shouldn't have figured out the pronounciation of ennui, because now I think of that word way too much and how I'm in a perpetual state of it when I have nothing going on (uh, duh?).

Yeah. Rambling. Alligator.

WTAF. Alligators? I think I'm crying a little on the inside. I'm also very grateful that the iPad is correcting my atrocious spelling. Really, typing on a large touch screen is perhaps more difficult than learning to type on the smaller iPhone/iTouch was. And my hand cramps more easily. It would be utterly ridiculous if you could see all the mistakes I'm making. It took me five tries to spell mistakes correctly. I'm failing at this you guys, me and technology ares just not working. At all. It'll hurt me eventually, brain me or something.

This is where it starts...


I guess I've finally gotten around to making one of these things. It's nothing spectacular really; I tried all the time to make journals when I was younger, but how I wanted myself to be perceived changed so often I've abandoned more than I can remember.

I can't really say what will be the main focus of this journal. Maybe I'll use it as a diary. Or a place to post art (as soon as I find that godforsaken tablet). Or a place to write stories that will probably never be finished.

This hasn't been created with the intent of it becoming public to a whole lot of people, I can't really see how people would find this interesting. But only time will tell.